I left my "special relationship" (separated) for over 2 years because I hated what his expectations or ideals did to me. In both our "ignorant" states we almost annihilated our marriage.
I prayed daily: "Father, take care of Ron today, send him Your Love. Change him. May he see me with Your eyes, and learn to love me unconditionally as You do," etc.
Well, guess what happened. I had an "epiphany" early one morning as I barely woke up. I asked God again to take care of Ron, and before I could finish He loudly and clearly said to me, "You keep giving Ron to Me, but now I want to give Ron back to you to take care of for Me!"
It was like lightning hit me…I got it!!!!
I dozed off into a deep sleep and had a vivid dream that was more real than if I had been awake. I dreamed there was an earthquake in downtown Sacramento (where we live) and everything was destroyed, It was a very dark night and I had enough sense to run to a park away from falling debris. I was alone; no one around. I was standing in the same place for about 2 years yet no time seemed to pass. Then the thought of Ron came to me and I panicked! Where's Ron? I could see his apartment partially standing 6 or 7 blocks away. So I climbed over lots of rubble and concrete to where his apartment was and flew up the gnarled stairway to the 7th floor and opened his door (the rest of the building was destroyed).
I couldn't believe my eyes! Everything was in color, like in The Wizard of Oz. The room was gorgeous!! It was as if his apartment was like something you'd see in Monte Carlo. He had a veranda with huge flowers and tropical plants with marble columns and a clear blue sea below. I saw Ron dressed like a nobleman eating at a long rectangle marble table with a feast of every food imaginable. He couldn't see me but he was serene and content and absolutely gorgeous! Next to him on his right side stood a tall, regal, statuesque man dressed even more beautiful than Ron. This man noticed me and without a word opened his robe to show me he was a eunuch and gracefully closed his robe. Ron never seemed to acknowledge or realize this person was next to him. But what spoke loud and clear to me was that this person emanated a deep reverence, love and respect for Ron-as if he was at Ron's beck 'n call, yet appeared to be much more important than Ron. He was there to serve Ron and would do anything for him. It was not a phileo love [affection towards a mate], but an agape love for Ron.
I felt so sad that I didn't see Ron as this person saw Ron. I had no idea how precious Ron was to this person and to me just the way he was. I woke up crying and remembering what God told me earlier: "I want to give Ron back to you to love and take care of for Me."
It was 5:30 am and I couldn't get out of bed fast enough. Got dressed, drove 25 miles to our home, not knowing if he changed the locks on the door. On the way home Holy Spirit reminded me that all this time I was gone Ron never complained, never asked for help with the house our business or our rentals. He carried the load without a complaint, never talked maliciously about me to anyone, I felt bad because I remembered all the things I said about him to so many people to justify my leaving him. Wow!!
I opened the door, ran upstairs. He was asleep and I asked for his forgiveness and shared with him how blind I was. He rarely saw me cry in our 8 years of marriage but I cried all that day. He held me for a long time and seemed to understand what had happened to me. He said nothing but we both knew something beautiful was happening to us and I never went back to my mother's place, where I had been staying, except to gradually bring my things back home.
It's been 3 months now and the shift in our marriage has been solid. I see each day as an opportunity but to love this husband and brother as in the eyes of God. And boy did I learn something about Mary!! He is a teacher for me and school gets tough now and again, but my eyes have been opened and I see the picture now more than the frame.
Thanks for your patience in letting me share such a lengthy story. This is rare for me but felt led to tell my story.