(21) I am determined to see things differently.
(22) What I see is a form of vengeance.
(23) I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts.
(24) I do not perceive my own best interests.
(25) I do not know what anything is for.
The pattern laid down by the first fifty lessons becomes clearer with each day of review. The writing in these ten review lessons is among the clearest and most straightforward in the entire Course.
Of course I am determined to see things differently; "disease, disaster and death" (1:2) are not what I want to see. That I see them proves I do not understand God, and I do not know who I am. The world I see pictures attack thoughts, "attack on everything by everything" (2:3). In this world everything lives by consuming the life of something else; whether it is the life of an animal or a plant makes little difference. Even the lowest life form lives from the energy given off by the destruction of the Sun. What gives rise to this picture? My own attack thoughts.
"My loving thoughts will save me from this perception of the world" (2:6). Changing my mind from attack to love will change the world I see. "It is this I choose to see, in place of what I look on now" (3:5).
And no wonder I am confused about my best interests! I don't know who I am; how could I know what I need? I am willing to accept the guidance of One Who knows me; I understand that I can't perceive my best interests by myself. I use everything to sustain my illusions about myself (4:4). What I need is a way to let the world teach me the truth about myself. Seeing it as I see it, the world is frightening; I want to know the truth.
The transformation hinges on my willingness to recognize that I do not like what I see, and since what I see comes from what I think, I want to change what I think. I do not know my best interests, and the purpose I have assigned to everything has been twisted to support my ego identity (5:2), so now I am willing to let these ideas go. Confused as I am, how could I teach myself what I do not know? I need a reliable, trustworthy Teacher, and in the Holy Spirit I have that Teacher.
My only job is to make myself teachable by letting go of my false thinking, letting go of my attack thoughts. I think they sustain me but they are destroying me. I resolve today to choose differently, and to open my mind to a way of thinking I cannot, as yet, begin to understand. I open my heart to love.