Dealing with Difficult Situations
June 12, 2006
So many of the questions I get about living A Course in Miracles are variations on this one: "I'm confronted with this difficult situation-what would the Course have me do?" The difficult situation could be anything from dealing with the husband who won't take the garbage out to facing roadside bombs in Iraq, but the basic question is the same. Fortunately, the basic answer is the same as well. Here, then, is a simple two-part answer to the question of how to deal with difficult situations:
1. Let the Holy Spirit shift your perception of the situation by doing a Course practice that conveys His new perception.
When we face a difficult situation, the first thing most of us do is try to change the externals. We think rearranging externals into a more pleasing configuration will solve the difficulty and make us feel better. The first thing we must realize, though, is that our faulty perception is the real source of the difficulty in any situation, so our first priority is a shift in perception. Only this will truly make us feel better. We may be guided to change externals as well, but this is secondary.
The Holy Spirit, of course, is the One Who shifts our perception. Course students often speak of asking the Holy Spirit for a shift in perception. This is a great practice, yet I think we can do much more than simply ask Him; we can do a Course practice that conveys His answer-His new perception-to our minds. After all, the Course was written by Him through Jesus, and its very purpose is to facilitate the shift in perception He wants to bring about. The Course's practices are thus potent agents of mind change. What's more, there are practices that specifically address the various difficulties we have in life. If I'm dealing with a death in the family, for instance, asking the Holy Spirit to help me see it differently is great, but it is far more powerful for me to use a lesson like Lesson 163, "There is no death. The Son of God is free."
Therefore, I recommend really using the immense "problem-solving repertoire" (W-pI.194.6:2) the Course gives us. We can use our daily lesson if we're going through the Workbook, and/or use another practice we've found effective-especially one that specifically addresses our situation. If it doesn't seem to work initially, keep at it-I've found that repetition is the key. The Course's "ideas are mighty forces, to be used and not held idly by" (T-16.II.9:5). In my experience, it is truly amazing how dramatically my outlook toward difficult situations can be transformed when I really apply the Course's ideas to them.
2. Let the Holy Spirit tell you what to do in this situation by asking for His guidance.
The One Who shifts our perception of the situation also tells us how to deal with it on a form level. Asking Him for guidance about what to say and do in every situation is a bedrock Course practice. One of my favorite "asking" lessons in the Workbook is Lesson 275, which has us pray: "I need be anxious over nothing. For Your Voice will tell me what to do and where to go; to whom to speak and what to say to him, what thoughts to think, what words to give the world" (W-pII.275.2:2-3). He truly has everything covered, down to the tiniest detail.
One thing that gets in the way of really hearing His guidance is our tendency to devise formulas to determine what He would have us do. We set parameters, consciously or unconsciously, within which we expect His guidance to fall. While the formulas people come up with can run the gamut, two common ones I've seen are these: 1) His guidance would have me fix the situation by doing that thing I was going to do anyway, and 2) His guidance would have me do nothing at all to fix the situation. In a situation where someone is taking advantage of you, for instance, the first formula might lead you to stand up and assert your boundaries, just like you wanted to do in the first place. The second formula might lead you to be "spiritual" and not confront the other person in any way; after all, "I need do nothing."
One of the most important things I've learned is that there is no formula. Each situation is totally unique. The Holy Spirit might have you do one thing in one situation and something completely different in another apparently similar situation. In situations like my "someone taking advantage of you" example, He might have you stand up for yourself one time and do nothing the next. What this means is that we really need to set our formulas aside and let Him tell us what to do. Only He knows all of the details of a situation, so only He is fit to decide what must be done.
Workbook Lesson 50 tells us that the Love of God will see us through all difficulties: "This is the answer to whatever confronts you today" (W-pI.50.4:4). The Holy Spirit is the Voice Who speaks for the Love of God. If we will truly let Him shift our perception through Course practice and guide everything we think, say, and do, we "can resolve all seeming difficulties without effort and in sure confidence" (W-pI.50.4:5). All we need to do is get ourselves out of the way.
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