Blessed past; holy future
March 18, 2007: Blessed past; holy future
I just learned today that my divorce is now final. I got the official "decree of dissolution," along with legal notification that my now ex-wife Margery (still feels a little weird to say that) has now officially gone back to her maiden name. My feelings are a mix of sadness that things didn't turn out the way we had hoped when we got married, and gladness that this chapter of our lives has finally come to an end and we are both free to move forward.
For a Course student, a divorce can feel like a failure; after all, aren't we meant to heal our relationships? But the Course does acknowledge that the form of relationships can change; for instance, in the Manual it refers to relationships in which "two people enter into a fairly intense teaching-learning situation and then appear to separate" (M-3.4:3). Our marriage certainly provided an "intense teaching-learning situation" for both of us, and I think we both learned a lot. We came together in the first place because we mutually felt that doing so would foster our spiritual growth. But the time came when we found that the form of our relationship was hindering rather than helping our growth, so it seemed that the most loving thing to do was to change that form. And throughout the process of making that change, both of us have been loving and gracious to each other, something for which I am deeply grateful.
Two Course quotes in particular have really helped me through this process—one about the past, the other about the future. The first one is this lovely line from the Text: "All your past except its beauty is gone, and nothing is left but a blessing" (T-5.IV.8:2). Like any married couple, we had our difficulties. But there was so much beauty too; so much love and laughter, so many happy memories. This line assures me that in truth, the difficulties have already been undone, and only the beauty remains. This marriage was indeed a blessing.
The second quote is the passage from the Manual I already quoted from above. Did you notice that in the line above, it says the two teaching-learning partners "appear to separate"? The passage goes on to say that in truth, they do not:
These meetings are not accidental, nor is what appears to be the end of the relationship a real end. Again, each has learned the most he can at the time. Yet all who meet will someday meet again, for it is the destiny of all relationships to become holy. (M-3.4:4-6)
Our marriage has come to an end. In worldly terms, we join the fifty percent of all couples whose marriages "fail" by ending in divorce. But in Jesus' eyes, all this means is that we have learned the most we can from each other at this time. While we are now apart in form, our hearts are still together. And in some unknown future, we will come together and complete our process of growth, for just as the legacy of our past relationship is blessing, so the destiny of our future relationship is holiness. In the present, that gives me a lot of comfort. Thank God for this wonderful Course!
Return to top | Send Reader Feedback | View Reader Feedback | Printer friendly version
Dear friend: We offer the materials on this website to you in the hope that they can serve you well on your journey home. Your continuing donations support the work of the Circle of Atonement. Thank you.
Click here to make a Donation.
This material is copyrighted by the Circle of Atonement, P.O. Box 4238, W. Sedona, AZ 86340. All rights reserved. The opinions expressed are the personal interpretation and understanding of the author(s).
Please report problems to the webmaster.
